This past weekend we had our second spring work day at the farm. Such a difference a few weeks makes, the last work weekend was icy, this one was hot. We need this help more than I can say. I'm so grateful and amazed at all the people who want to come up to work in the dirt, learn about flowers and eat my mother's incredible poppy seed cake.
Last night I has this vivid dream. The girls and I were doing an event at the Barclay Center and we had to feed cereal to everyone in the stadium. There was a choice between froot loops and craklin oat bran (although the choice seems clear to me). Asheley was all suited up like one of those cigarette girls of old times, but instead of cigarettes she was juggling bowls, milk and cereal boxes. We were failing! People were shouting for seconds before we could move to the next section. It was just too much for the three of us. Then suddenly we said "why the fuck are we doing this?" people can go to the concession stand if they are hungry. And we left. And no one cared.
Yesterday I visited Agnes, the woman who used to own the farm. I met another woman there who was like a sentinel. She spoke quietly as I dug some iris up for her (and me). She told me about a daughter of hers who had passed away. She said quietly that it was because she tried to do too much. This left me feeling stung.
When I get overwhelmed sometimes I just need to cry, which, for an old robot like me is hard. Suddenly things feel so inflated, it's not just about delivering the wedding anymore or making things look the best. Now it's the constant fight with nature and also the fight to make two businesses financially stable with only income from one; and what might happen if in a few months...we run out of energy...resources...money. I resent the farm lately for making me a money head. I resent it for constantly needing more more more. All the craklin oat bran in the world wouldn't satisfy this beast.
Well at least we have this incredible tractor (thanks to you!) which Deanna is such a pro at using by the way. It's let us plant bigger this year, which means we're going to have to start selling flowers this summer. Which might be the way to earn some revenue for the farm. If it all works out. If seeds sprout, and we can keep them irrigated, and if we stay on top of weeds. And if we can figure out a good way to sell these flowers to flower lovers in the city and to my florist friends. It feels daunting, but I have to remember how Saipua began; no $$$, no knowledge and this feels about the same. Ha!
See you in the city this weekend, I'm escaping with my chickens. I'm using twine and flower wire to rig their brooder to the back of my pickup (which is full of flowers, clean underwear and asparagus) and driving back to Brooklyn today to teach a Little Flower School class and sell some bouquets for mothers day. As my friend Amy always says ...
LETS DO THIS