cigars on ice

I'm starved for flowers up here at the farm where it's a frozen wasteland. I'm not good at waiting, and I don't like planning, so I'm not romantically poised over seed catalogs by a woodstove. I am, however, getting busy getting in touch with my true authentic self. Which, yes, I just had to google to be sure thats the right thing to call it. Also, I drink tea now. 

Eric made me watch some of the Grammys. It's an awards show for music. Everyone was there! Carol King! Willie Nelson! Beyonce and Jay were there too and they performed together. Here is a video. I think Beyonce is her true authentic self. And I want my authentic self to look like her authentic self which is to say more feminine and dressed in less carhartt. I ask Eric, "Can we be a power couple like Bey and Jay?"

I've been very social at the farm this week talking to lots of friends and farmers. These conversations are enlightening and make me motivated. One of my friends - a new friend - is very grounded and seems very spiritually connected to nature. She is a healer. She gave me some roots to steep in milk and drink. I read somewhere that often your authentic self becomes repressed. I figured I repressed the shit out of my authentic self by always trying to be successful more than anything else. And I figure this could be the root of my anxiety and unease. We discussed this briefly, and I realized some of what I need to do to practice loosening up and being more playful. Which sounds so dreadful to me because I've always like very adult things, and being an adult. When I was a kid I remember feeling offended or embarrassed when someone would say that I was 'playing' because in my mind these activities were 'fixing' or 'organizing' or 'preparing for the apocalypse.' 

What started out as a post about dutch masters and our teaching pursuits at Little Flower School became another self indulge. Whoops! I seem to be good at that lately. Now that I've told you about how fun I am, perhaps you'd like to take some classes with me (!)

We're teaching again, Nicolette and I - theres still some spots in our Dutch Masters Class February 23rd. All these photos are from last years session. We hold this special workshop at the Metropolitan Building which is brimming with beautiful old antiques and divine light. I think this will be the last Dutch Masters class we teach. Which I feel good about since I'm excited about some new things and changes we're making to school. We can't do the same thing forever. (Also a few spots left in the workshop at Schreiners Iris Farm south of Portland, Oregon May 21st.)