Ten of us worked on a big wedding Saturday at Blue Hill Stone Barns, on top of valentines day which I ignored, but then couldn't ignore - it was a long week. I look forward to showing you pictures of the wedding when I can. I am very proud of it.

The drained feeling I have after a big event is accompanied almost always by a deluge of strange emotions and then, if I'm lucky - clarity. On our way to the farm we stopped for coffee at a dunkin donuts in Cairo. I got teary at the counter - the two girls asking Eric what sort of donuts he wanted, they had such patient eyes. I thought; You girls are kind. 
The day was a wash.



Flowers are starting to get really good, after a long cold winter with drat. The hellebores I had planned on for the week were not blooming yet, so I took matters into my own hands and sought some plants at a greenhouse in PA. I like doing this because then of course I get to beef up my hellebore garden at Worlds End with the plants once we're done cutting from them. That will actually be a good project for our April 6th work day.

I stopped and saw Lloyd and Stephanie at Peace Tree Farm on my hellebore trip. Spending time in their greenhouses makes me very happy. Most of the begonias are flowering now and it was a real sight for sore eyes. Talking with Lloyd about plants, famous gardeners, brilliant plantsmen...made me want to jump out of the wedding world altogether and focus on horticulture.



But I keep faking it. On the way home from the farms I stopped at a Travel America truck stop on I-78 to change my clothes. Applied makeup in the bathroom, like a hooker. Two hours later I was at a walkthrough at The Metropolitan Club. I still have a hard time fitting into certain parts of my job.



I think sometimes life forces things at you...and you have to hold these things for a while before you know what to do with them.

friday february 15th, 2013

[Still sorting through Australia images here]

Hi, hello, good evening.

It's been a long day. at the flower market in the city this morning I did all the things, got all the flowers, talked to all the people. Then i got in the truck, turned on the news and heard about the meteor, then the asteroid (you should know the difference). Then of course the cruise ship.

I kept thinking: today is the sort of day that something bad happens...or something rather phenomenal in my personal life. The news of someone's death, and you'd always remember the day - the way it started like any other, then the strange news on the radio, and then the bad news. Just another reality unfolding objectively in the passing hours. The world goes on around you...



...but nothing bad or unusual did happen to me today, I'm happy to report. Though I did cut my finger with my clippers...something - dare I say - I've never done before. My eyebrows already furrowed, I watched myself carelessly cut a stem too close to my thumb.

I must have clipped a finger before - and if I was trying to be really honest (I'm not)(whatever honesty can possibly mean in such a format as this) I'd tell you that every time I clip a finger I announce to whoever I'm with that  - by god - that's the first time that's happened.



This past christmas eve, holed up in the city and refusing holiday obligation, I had myself a little festive Lars von Trier marathon and watched Melencholia. Today's asteroid passing reminded me of it. And for a minute this morning in the truck...in trafic on the west side highway...I thought to myself. What if this near-Earth asteroid - 2012 DA₁₄ - 190,000 tons of compacted space dust was indeed on a collision course with earth. And scientists had already buried themselves in underground bunkers with decades worth of supplies or blasted into space on secret space craft.

Then months ago, when they decided about all the important types of people they'd need to save with them in the bunkers in order to keep the human race going...well us florists we would really get the short end of that stick.

yesterday

jammed a bunch of old flowers in a vase, and then broke that vase.

Good monday morning. Good ranunculus are starting to come on to me at the flower market. Greenhouses burning coal like no tomorrow through these very cold weeks to get them juiced. It may be local, but it's taken a lot of energy to produce it. Oh geeze, I don't want to get into that this morning. I'm feeling glad February is such a short month. I've been ordering flower seeds and tubers and talking about fencing and irrigation like there's no tomorrow and feeling especially excited about the farm and what we're going to accomplish this spring. On a long walk there last week my mind was really going. I was jazzed. I thought, what if by the time I die we could grow every single flower to supply the market in NYC? My mind actually went through what that would be like. That's what winter and all it's free time does - it makes you delusional. A farmer friend reminded me of this last week as she shared some of her ideas.

But you have to dream big, and then go to work with whats in front of you. I'm in the city this week and so today I'm going to head down and play with the half dead remains of what the shitty february flower market could cough up for us. Making something out of nothing is always my favorite practice. Especially when I can be alone and listen to whatever I want. This song on repeat.

Also I'll spend some time with my plants. Inspired this morning by Tovah Martin.