Wednesday, November 5, 2014

end of autumn



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This is my haunted house, I live here with Eric and dogs and chickens and two feral cats and sheep.
I'll start from the beginning.

In the mornings now I wake up at 4:30am or 5am and slip to down to the kitchen, flip the coffee on. Thats when the thinking starts and the looking out the window. With ages to go before it's light enough to go outside. So I hit the computer. The fact that I have a computer here is strange to me. Nothing here is computed. Nothing here understands or speaks the language of computer. It's a one way relationship. All this goes uploaded into the ether and gets stamped WORLDS END

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It feels sometimes like a lonely odd job, ferrying all the things - all the moments up to their after life in the cloud. Keeping up appearances in instagram.

No, now I'm in the city. I'll start from the beginning, feeding myself...an act which I take serious as a heart attack and what keeps me motivated to never stop working. Ever. I'm food motivated.

seattles_barn

I eat alone a lot which I rather enjoy. Here are my major food groups:

coffee
kale
nuts and nut butter
kefir
steak

I eat so many nuts and nut butter. We make jokes about nuts that are appropriate for a 6th grade audience, I don't care. I rub coconut oil on my face everyday now, this is one of the self care acts I've installed to keep myself from the edge of self pity. (I nut myself) I carry a peanut butter sandwich in my bag about 30% of the time. If I'm on the traveling that increases to 100%. I paid $18.99 for a jar of nut butter recently on Martha's Vineyard.

seattles

Things at Saipua have been so good but so complicated lately. Asheley retired, moving on to her own projects and I miss her so much. But I like the drama of change, the energy of things shifting and we're working with great new people.

We did the biggest wedding we've ever done in September. I watched that come and go like a dream. As we started doing bigger and bigger events these past 2 years we noticed our payrolls were harder and harder make on time. Doesn't make a lot of sense. Relied on our credit cards too much. So in September we stopped and switched gears, released ourselves from the high end only market and started picking up smaller weddings and generally just saying yes to everything. Which is really fun when you have a positive attitude about it. I was tired of being a flower snob; it got boring. And I miss the smaller budget brides because it's how we started, ball jars in the back of my pick up truck. Friends are all like don't dilute your brand!
Which gives me pause, but then I'm like fuck it. What brand? Us? I want to farm and have money to feed my pack of dogs, give my girls raises and finish the barn so I can start my next big project: SARAHS INTERNATIONAL SCHOOL OF ASTROLOGY AND HIP HOP DANCE

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Through all this, Eric has held down the farm so artfully. I am back and forth like a nut (!) managing the flower fields (now finished) and helping with chores, trying to make plans, figure out how to move forward there. We lost a sheep, caught in the electric fence one night. Aster, our oldest ewe. I was in the city when it happened and Eric dealt with it alone. Relatively unfazed, I noticed him differently that week... if one becomes a farmer -- goes from playing at it to really being it then he crossed that line some time ago. He hauled her body out to the back 70 acres across the farm and left her for the coyotes. Days later I walked the dogs back there sort of timidly looking for her remains. I wanted her horns. The sheep was long gone. To greener pastures, obviously.

rt 145 house

On my drive between the farm and the city I get a lot of thinking done. I feel like I'm resting when I'm driving, listening to music. Stop at all my happy places for a coffee or to eat some kale out of an old yogurt container. This is an old abandoned house I pass on my way. Its a greek revival, similar to ours which was popular in the early 1800's before the war and the proliferation of victorian frills... before machines. Where we live in the mohawk valley - Central NY - you can throw a stone and find an abandoned greek revival. Built to look epic and substantial as new Americans forged their way, they are often very simple and modest on the inside. I think about the time when these houses were built. The bravery, the false bravado, the desperation. I laugh out loud. Because it's very Saipua.

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36 comments:

Bow Street Flowers said...

Eric is Epic.

Stephanie Hughes said...

Beautiful...Man, this is why I fell in love with your blog :)

Anonymous said...

Wonderful.

Laura said...

sigh, this is just so fantastic. i love reading your blog.

Mlle Paradis said...

yes epic! you are documenting so beautifully for us what happens when you get what you wish for, when you do say yes. it takes so much grit and poetry and small acts of heroism to follow through. someday maybe all this will be enough and you can just concentrate on writing which you also do so well. (might not require quite so much peanut butter?!)

Anonymous said...

Just want to say thank you for sharing all the work & beauty with your photos & writing. It always moves & inspires me.

Ashley Fox said...

I've got my own horns to look for these days. glad I'm not the only one. x

Anonymous said...

the comment box wants me to "prove I am not a robot" thankfully I dont have to prove I am not a feral cat.

Aster dying is upsetting. However I have an over arching feeling of pride for you guys. Glad you are saying yes to things as well.

frig I love you lots.
x

canadian feral cat

literaryvittles said...

You have such a unique blog with gorgeous photography... love it :)

Flower Delivery said...

Really a great blog i like so much thanks for sharing with us.

sarahbeth said...

Damn. Well written & captured & shared. Thanks for letting us peek into your thoughts & your process.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, as always, for sharing a peek into your world.

Molly said...

Yes yes YESSSSSS.

Laura said...

Lovely pictures, great life! I´m agree with Stephanie, I like this of your blog.

shellie said...

its a beautiful struggle you have there girl even though im sure somedays it doesnt seem so. i love hearing about yours because it reminds me of my own not so epic struggle as well.

Nina said...

So ready to sign up for a class!! Hi, I'm Nina, a Leo, a hopeless bad pandora hip hop station addict, and ready to drop it like it's hot.

Laurie Garza said...

Thank you. Bigger is not always what it is expected to be. I'm a PB no J sandwich, always have one ready. Power to the nuts!

Art Farm said...

Beautiful! Just beautiful! Good for you on saying “you know what, these big high-end events aren’t working for me and paying my bills.” It’s hard to make changes, but you sound happy and I bet you will make a ton of brides very happy! :) xo, Katie

Laura said...

You are a wonderful writer, amazing photographer, and a huge inspiration! Thank you! Love Love Worlds End and Saipua blogs!

Morgan said...

I can't recall the last time I read your blog and didn't burst into tears.
Perhaps that says something about my stress levels, but I think it is more than that - you have a special way with words that strips out the fussiness and frills and gets straight to the point, cutting to the bone, and to the heart. I think they call it honesty, (and poetry). Thank you, when I read it I feel less alone.

Emily said...

Accepting small weddings does not dilute your brand, it fortifies it. Good for you knowing what your business, your life, needs and going for it.
I so miss owning, being a part of a flower shop. Your blog, lets me feel that I am still a part of one, somehow.

a new mind said...

Bless that man.

Shelley said...

Sarah,
You're so forthright and honest. That's why we all love you. It's funny, I am just experiencing the same thing, even commenting to a friend that as much as I used to hate driving the long distance to the flower market I almost enjoy the forced rest of just sitting in the car and listening to music. Seems indulgent almost.We just expanded and with that I'm almost outa dough. Be careful what you wish for indeed.
Kudos to you for always voicing what is probably the frustrations of many floral designers across the US. You do it in the best way and why I really love you the most. By the way on a side note...people love your soaps here at our shop in Long Beach, they are just wonderful :)

Anonymous said...

Will you also be hosting any weddings at the barn ?

That would be charming.

Thomas Watson said...

Beautiful pictures. I believe autumn is the second spring.

Anonymous said...

Very interesting article, can I publish it on this site? http://flowerdeliveryuae.com

Noelle said...

I just moved to a house in the country and someone's horses are in the field behind us.

We wondered why the horses wouldn't take carrots from us, then realized the fence was electric.

Why do there have to be electric fences I wonder?

Stacy said...

Flowers for the people is a noble thing for sure. Thanks for the treatise on becoming farmer. It is forever a transformation.

Jenny said...

good lord, i fall more and more in love with you guys with every post. can i come hang out with the sheep and flowers? i'll wander silently and there's no need to break the quiet with chatter. . . plus i'll bring all kinds of nut butter. i have a bit of a problem with it too. every wedding i shoot, i'm in my car eating peanut butter out of a jar at some point during the day, no wedding food or cake for me. creamy, nutty and slightly salty protein in a jar. . . serious nirvana.

i think if you let us, all us readers of this blog would pack our bags in a second and come hang out in your fields, haha.

but seriously. . .i'm guessing that might be a portrait of Aster. . . and it's just gorgeous.

Jessica said...

Oh mercy....this has spoke VOLUMES to me! In fact, I just sent you an email! LOL! Love your pureness, honesty and true grit. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

Mallory Fay said...

Thanks for sharing.

Tracy said...

First trip here... Beautiful!

Maria del mar said...

I can't get enough of your pictures.

jkaye said...

Your blog is special.

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